Good morning and thank you all for being here this morning. I am Rod Romulo, Alejandro’s Father. This is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life so please bear with me if I struggle to get through. But I wanted to share the short but beautiful life of my son Alejandro and reveal to you why his life was such a gift to my wife Tina and I, to his siblings Victoria, Lorenzo and Sofia. Alejandro was our second child, after Victoria, and he was nothing short of precocious. He showed flashes of intellectual brilliance at a very early age. We were still living in the Philippines, when he was three years old and I clearly remember how he was able to power up my PC and use the mouse to get to the Disney Channel website to play some games. He learned to read very early and by the time he was in kindergarten here in the US he caused a minor panic among the parents of his classmates when they learned how advanced his reading skills were compared to their children. By the 5th grade, Alejandro reached the highest point total in what was called the AR (advanced reader) program at the Intermediate School. Where the better students scored 300 – 500 points, Alejandro scored 1000 points and earned the chance to be “principal for a day”.

About this time, he began piano lessons with a teacher in the rigorous National Piano Teachers Guild. Mrs. Sjolund, his teacher, was a real task master who produced many fine piano players, and by high school, Alejandro was playing at such a high level that he was invited to play at the student showcase in Chrysler Hall, our local Symphony Hall. When the Virginia Symphony Orchestra has a renowned pianist as a part of their concert program, they typically have a Student Showcase in the mezzanine lobby before the concert. Alejandro performed an impressive rendition of the very difficult Rachmaninoff Prelude in G# Minor. It was a stunning performance (in my biased opinion). He was required to submit an entry into the National Piano Composition Competition each year and in his freshman year in high school, Alejandro’s entry won first place.

Meanwhile he also became a very fine trombone player playing first chair in the Oscar Smith Band and also qualifying for the District Band.

Alejandro’s other activity at that time was rowing. He joined the Hickory Rowing team while in Middle School and continued to row for Hickory after he transferred to the Oscar Smith IB Program in high school, the latter school not having a crew team. He just loved being part of the Crew Team and had many good friends there.

Alejandro was very much part of this church, receiving his first Holy Communion then Confirmation here. From middle school through High school he was an altar server right here, faithfully assisting Father Brian, our former parish priest, constantly giving him a hard time. He loved to tease Father Brian whom he felt very close to.

It was in high school when Alejandro started showing signs of depression. He lost interest in doing his schoolwork and his grades suffered and eventually the diagnosis was confirmed by Dr. Peter Dozier, a child psychiatrist at CHKD (Children’s Hospital of the King’s Daughters in Norfolk). Dr. Dozier felt he did not need medications but recommended Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which Alejandro felt was helpful. A later trial of antidepressant medication was not helpful so it was stopped.

Despite that, the reflections of his former high school classmates, tell a starkly different story. Meagan Perkins said “Alejandro and I were closest our freshmen and senior years of high school. We shared a table together in freshman biology and I can confidently say we had so much fun that very little work was actually done. He was always making our classmates laugh and encouraging us to be more adventurous… My favorite memory will always be when we went to Kings Dominion together that summer and he managed to convince me to ride with him in the very front car on EVERY single rollercoaster (despite me being very afraid of them). Thanks to him, I can't imagine doing it any differently.” Nadia Zia said “ He was the reason going to school was fun as he always made the day exciting. I loved how he made friends with everyone so quickly… He made people feel included and never tried to leave anyone out. He didn’t discriminate - he was friends with everyone. .. “ Without Jandro (that’s what they called him) high school would have been a chore and a bleak experience - we all relied on him to bring light into our day.” Addressing her letter for this occasion to “Jandro”, Aria Hill said “ I instantly knew you loved people and bringing people together, something that I learned even more so as we grew up together. You were such a welcome unexpected friend, always telling the truth. Ready to give me a ride, playfully joke on me, and eat a meal together.”

Now to a non-psychiatrist physician like myself, that doesn’t sound like clinical depression, but it did get worse by his junior year, when he did reach out and ask for psychiatric help. His grades spiraled downward but he still graduated high school with honors. He chose to start his College career at the local Tidewater Community College and after one year he was accepted in transfer to Virginia Tech in the Industrial and Systems Engineering program. He was proud of this achievement but struggled again in the transition, landing himself on academic probation his first semester there. Working hard to first get off probation, then to raise his GPA, Alejandro figured he needed a second major to raise that average to where it needed to be. He chose Math as that second major, and he did raise that GPA and incredibly, graduated last May with Honors (Magna cum laude).

While at Virginia Tech, Alejandro was deeply involved with his student organization, the Filipino-American Students Association or FASA. He relished being a part of, and eventually leading this organization as its president. He was absolutely energized and thrived in FASA. But the energy flowed back to the FASA members as well. Listen to what some FASA members had to share. Kaylee Ang said. “On the first day that I moved into Virginia Tech, Alejandro was the first person to reach out and make sure I was okay. He offered to help move me in and he invited me out to dinner because he knew I didn’t have any friends yet. At this point, I didn’t know Alejandro that well, but he had taken the time to check on me and offer help because he knew I was bound to be a little homesick. From then on, Alejandro became someone that was constant in my life and who became one of my most reliable friends and an amazing mentor. From my freshman year all the way to the end, Alejandro was always there for me. He was one of the most selfless and kindhearted people I knew, even though he always seemed like such a tough guy on the outside.”

Kiera Cleveland shared “Alejandro was one of the first people I hung out with when I got to Virginia Tech. I was surprised how despite not knowing him very well at the time, he invited me to get food with him and friends and to come to gatherings at his house. He was the catalyst who introduced me to my first and most important community as a newly independent adult, which was FASA. He belongs to a small subset of people in this world whose charisma is undeniable, who is so naturally fit to lead both because of his magnetic humor and his effortless generosity not-so-hidden beneath his goofy exterior. The world will miss Alejandro, but the impact he’s had on others will stay forever. I remember him as the heart of our community and as a role model for building meaningful relationships with anyone and everyone.” Hallie Phung wrote “Alejandro…You always reached out to me when I felt like no one was there, whether it was to console my thoughts or just to hangout and bake something from our list. At the end of the day, you made sure that I was never alone and that you were a friend to rely on. I have grown to become the person I am thanks to your guidance, and I am forever grateful that you saw so much in me when I wasn’t able to.”. Sam San Said: He is the ultimate connector!!! I think of all the people I would not have met without him - how lucky am I to meet so many friends thanks to him. I admire how Alejandro was always willing to express his care with his time and service. Alejandro was always willing to listen and encouraged sharing the parts of myself that I felt ashamed about - because sharing and reflection was always welcome. Thank you for bringing Alejandro into the world, as he has changed it for so many.

The FASA men called Alejandro “Dro”, which I think he would have loved because it sounds so hip-hop. Oh I should mention that Alejandro loved rap, the boy band Boyz II Men, Smartfood White Cheddar popcorn and canned corned beef (this is the canned corned beef, fried crisp and served with garlic-fried rice and a fried egg – Filipino style), items that showed up in these testimonies that also were, or became his friends favorites, too. Such was Alejandro’s influence.

My other children told me that this would not be complete without mentioning that Alejandro loved K-pop and that he was a “Once”. That means he was a fan of the K-pop Girl Group “Twice”.

So back to the FASA guys. Nico Palanca shared this “Alejandro has always been amazing to those he considered his friends. He would go above and beyond for his friends and for FASA, a community he found a home in. Dro, you were never one to dwell on the sad things we can’t change, so we’ll celebrate the wonderful legacy you built! You’ve made such a wonderful and loving community and we’re all here because of your friendship and support. Key Xu wrote “Grandpa Dro Dro. you are the kindest person I have met during my time in Virginia, someone who deeply cared about the ones around him and someone I look up to. Thank you for treating me like your son. I think fondly of my time at tech, despite it being some of the hardest times I’ve experienced, because of people like you. You will always remain in the hearts of everyone who knew of your soul and experienced your grace. There was a time when I wanted to leave everything at tech behind and you were there to show me the beauty of living in the moment.

We received many more of these testimonies from his friends sent to Alejandro’s siblings, each one describing what an influence Alejandro has been on their lives. As his father, I was keenly aware of what a good person Alejandro was, but I was astonished to see that he, or anyone, could have such a profound impact on his community in so short a time. As parents, Tina and I have tried to model and instill in our children, values that most parents want their children to have. Respectfulness, industriousness, Faith in God, kindness, compassion, and gratefulness. Now, thanks to his friends, we see a fuller picture of Alejandro’s life and learn that he absolutely exuded these qualities. This father and mother can only be so proud.

I must, at this point, digress to tell you an inside joke. In preparing for the wake service and this funeral today, we had to pick out the background for the memorial bifold card for the funeral home to produce. I could not make the choice myself, so I asked my children for help. Now, I had told you earlier of Alejandro’s piano accomplishments but did not mention that he did not look back at his piano experience with fondness. All the long hours of practicing difficult pieces and having to play when he didn’t want to, were not pleasant memories for him. His siblings would later invoke the memory of his piano days, just to annoy him. We hope you have picked up a copy of the bifold here in the church today and you will notice that, for their last loving prank on their brother, his brother and sisters chose for the background, the “piano” theme.

A few weeks after graduating from Tech in May, Alejandro came home to Chesapeake. He had accepted a job offer from Wells Fargo Bank in Charlotte, NC to be a Financial and Investment advisor starting in September after Labor Day. That would have been this week. As a graduation gift, I took Alejandro to London for a week in July, just the two of us. We had a great time seeing the sights, visiting my cousin who owns two restaurants there and just hanging out. Not a trace of sadness or depression. That wonderful time we spent together turned my gift to him, into his special and most precious gift to me.

After we returned from London, Alejandro made a few more trips with friends. One to Chicago and 2 short trips to Richmond and Northern Virginia. Two weeks ago, he traveled to Charlotte to pick out an apartment and last Friday packed up his car and bid us good-bye as he moved to his new city. He had not wanted us to come and help him move so we respected his wishes and kept our distance. Saturday night the police came to our house to inform us they had found his lifeless body in his locked car in the Centerville Park just one mile from our house. With a gun. He never even drove to Charlotte. The police later determined that he purchased the firearm Friday after he left the house and appears to have used it a few hours later.

Just like that. A brilliant life was snuffed out. Just like that. Alejandro’s siblings had not detected any trace of sadness or depression in their recent calls or visits with their brother. We did not hear of any calls for help to Alejandro’s friends who were all shocked. I suspect that leaving Blacksburg and the solid support system that was FASA created an internal void into which the powerful force of depression entered and dragged him to the depths of despair. It must have taken a Herculean effort on Alejandro’s part to mask the outward manifestations of this inner turmoil. I am proud that Alejandro fought the good fight, but in the end, he lost. And We lost. Our family lost our son, our brother, our grandson, our nephew, our cousin and his friends lost their friend who meant so much to them.

It makes no sense at all for such a brilliant and promising young life to end so soon. But is there anything to be learned from this tragedy? My own reflections point firstly to the need to increase our awareness of, and our ability to help, those with depression. Depression is so pervasive in our society that everyone present here will be affected by it whether through a personal diagnosis, through someone they know, someone who works or lives nearby. Let us not think of this as a mental derangement but as an illness that can be mitigated. Not everyone affected by depression will have Alejandro’s fortitude and ability to conceal the symptoms. Perhaps we can all learn to recognize the symptoms and shepherd those affected to professional help and be willing to reach out and be present to them with a compassionate ear and comforting words whenever possible. The magnitude of this public health problem is enormous and so should be its solution. But in our own small way we all can educate ourselves more about this condition and adapt a mindset of compassionate caring towards those afflicted with it, rather than shunning or avoiding them. This alone, I believe, would be a step in the right direction.

Secondly, no one should need any more proof that the easy access to firearms in our society poses a mortal danger to our children, to our friends, to everyone, and not only those with depression. I speak from a public health perspective when I say that we cannot solve this epidemic of gun violence in our country without effective gun control. No amount of background checking or mental health treatment will mitigate this problem if firearms are so easily available to almost anyone interested. Alejandro is a case in point.

But mostly I would like to focus on what Alejandro has taught us about the power of the human spirit. He has shown us how one person can impact his whole community with caring, compassion, kindness, and good humor. He has reminded us that this is how we must be with one another, always.

Over twenty years ago, I crafted a Family vision statement that I would review with my children every few years, and to which Victoria added a revision many years ago (the one about healthy lifestyle you will hear shortly). So, this was our vision back then of how our family would be in the future. It goes “We are a happy, Catholic Christian family, proud of our Filipino roots, living a comfortable life in a beautiful home, excelling at school and at work, living a healthy lifestyle and contributing to the community in which we live.” I think we have achieved this vision and inspired by Alejandro’s example, we will continue live out our vision, guided by our family values, central to which is gratefulness.

And so I would like to thank all those who made this beautiful funeral mass for Alejandro possible: the parish of St. Stephen Martyr, Father Charles, the Giant – our parish priest. You are a giant in our hearts. And Father Brian. Your coming back to be with us today and concelebrate this mass means so much to our family. Thanks to our mass coordinator, altar server. My special thanks to my sisters and brothers in the choir. Once again you have lifted us up closer to the heavens with your beautiful singing. Thank you so much for that. Special thanks also to my partner, my friend, my brother, Dr. James Radike for taking care of our patients this week and allowing me to be with family. I appreciate your help very much. Thank you so much to those attending our nightly Novena prayers on zoom, particularly those from the Philippines. Your consistent presence has been a source of comfort and strength to our family. And of course, to all those present here. Your outpouring of love and support has been so heart-warming. The family greatly appreciates you all.

And so, to end I invoke this most ancient of blessings in our Judeo-Christian tradition from thousands of years ago, as relevant and powerful today as when they were first uttered: “May the Lord Bless you. May the Lord keep you. May He make His face to shine upon you. And Give you peace. “

This I ask, in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.